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The level of depletion that moms experience is second-to-none. From sleep deprivation to full-blown emotional exhaustion, being needed around the clock can take a toll. Of course, motherhood is also a wonderful privilege and comes with immense benefits.
When we think about prioritizing ourselves in the mix of demands, it often seems impossible. If we spend time working or not entertaining our kids, we often feel guilt. Juggling so many hats can make it incredibly hard to feel like we are good at anything because we are spread too thin.
One way to help sort out these feelings is to think, what would you tell your kids if they were in the same situation as adults? Would you tell them to sacrifice everything for their kids even if it made them miserable? Would you tell them that burnout is just part of parenthood and you no longer get to enjoy life as much? Of course these are extreme examples, but also the very harsh reality for many of us.
Try to think of yourself with the same love you have for your children. You don’t have to prioritize yourself instead of them, but simply with them. If your child was spread too thin, you would likely tell them to ask for help and support. You would encourage them to set boundaries, to carve out time for themselves. You would explain that their children will actually be happier if they have a healthy and happy mother. Try to listen to your own advice and give yourself the same love. Ask for help to find creative solutions. What can you outsource? You may even find you enjoy your children more, and are able to love them better when not everything is on your shoulders.
While this is much easier said than done, here are some ideas to help lift the burden and allow time for working without burnout:
- Join a gym with childcare: Workout (and work on your phone) if it suits you. Sometimes it makes the workout go faster and the exercise makes your thinking top notch. Let your kids have some independent time while still within ear shot. Finish your workout and continue to work at the gym if your kids are still playing happily. You may be surprised what this little independent break does for your mental health.
- Trade childcare with another mom: Take turns watching each other’s kids for a few hours so you can both have productive time alone.
- Sign your kids up for activities: Ideally ones where you don’t need to be fully present. Gymnastics, sports, swim lessons, music lessons, etc. are all great ways for you to get some work done while enriching your child’s life.
- Child care: Once you start earning money, it may be worth it to hire help for just a few hours, one or two days a week. That way you’ll know you can plan on dedicated time to yourself. A teenager in the neighborhood or a grandparent, if you’re lucky, may be able to step in and offer some support.
- Schedule quiet time: Whether it’s nap time, screen time, or simply quiet activity time. Pick a time everyday and set clear expectations. It’s a positive practice for everyone in the family to have independent quiet time. If you need entertainment ideas, try reserving special toys for quiet time. A sensory bin, marble run, Magna-tiles, etc. to make it a time the kids will look forward to.
- Partner support: If you are lucky enough to have a partner who comes home everyday, ask if they can take on the bedtime routine so you can have a turn working. Excuse yourself after dinner for some quality alone time. It may also work for them to watch the kids in the morning before work or on the weekends. After all, you watch the kids while you get ready every day.
Do your best to factor in one of these breaks each day for everyone’s mental health. Not only will it give you a breather mama, it will also keep life interesting for your kiddos. With the right routine and balance, you can have an enjoyable schedule that allows for your business.
